Hey girl, hey! Or boy! ;)
It's been 5 years since my last entry....I didn't even have the heart to open it and read it, but it's a new day and the past is the past. So let's start fresh shall we? How have you been? Are you surviving the crazy 2020 year?! A lot has happened in my life since 2015 but I'll give you a quick summary and talk more about the past year. My son is 13, lord help me, a freaking teenager!! He's starting 8th grade this year, my daughter will be 9 next month and starts 3rd grade! Over the past four years....I've gained weight, lost some, gained some back. Tried to get back into running so many times I've lost count. My ITBS and an old back injury from a car accident when I was teenager have kept putting a stop to long distance running. In June of 2019 my husband had a health scare and was told he needed to get on a low carb diet asap. So I decided it was time to get over myself and jump back into a better eating plan. To support him I started a low carb diet as well, from August to November I lost 20lbs and he lost 60lbs(men right LOL he also had a lot more to lose than me)!!! I was so beyond proud of him and pretty darn proud of myself too. Then Christmas hit.....dum dum dum....we all know the drill, holiday foods, baking with the kids, I gained 15lbs, but I was determined to get back on my low carb diet in January 2020. I was able to get around 7lbs off, so I decided to try and start running again and my back injury really flared bad...long story short I ended up at the doctor, which lead back to physical therapy where I heard the words I knew were coming but never wanted to hear. My long distance running days were over and if I really wanted to run at all I should be on a treadmill and not outside and for very short runs. I was so depressed, running had always been such therapy for me, I always thought I'd find my way back to it one day. As someone who has anxiety and depression I really needed that pavement therapy, and when it was basically taken away not by my choice I crashed. Always thankful that I lived though that car accident and for my ability to walk, as I've gotten older my injury has hurt more and more....as they said it would....at 15 years old though you really don't grasp what that means.....at 37 I'm like oh yeah this sucks. If I sleep wrong I'm out of commission for a day or two. A few months later I was talking with my brother and he mentioned that he had been running one mile a day to help clear his mind during quarantine....it was such a light bulb moment for me. I had pounded it in my head for so long that the least I could run at one time was 3 miles. I mean I use to run 5-7 miles at a time so 3 miles was always my short runs. It never occurred to me (DUH STACI) that I COULD just run a mile and be happy with it. So I started back, running one mile at a time, on the treadmill. I had finally gotten some form of running back! Then Covid hit.
At the start of all this Covid stuff I was doing ok and then after two months I started to lose myself and before I knew it I was drinking wine several times a week and had gained 25lbs...basically all the weight I had lost from August to December last year, I gained it right back and some. Embarrassed and so angry with myself, I couldn't believe I was just 10lbs away from where I started back in 2013. How could I allow this to happen again? I wallowed in it for a little bit, had many pity parties, and just didn't care anymore. I was so tired of caring so much to just keep failing in the end. Then one day I started trying to get back on the low carb diet again....and I just kept losing and gaining the same 3-4lbs over and over again. Literally for months. I was (am) so tired of this, the struggle, the constant having to watch every single thing I'm doing. The looks on the faces of those around me when I say things like, "oh I can't eat that right now." It's hard, but I knew I could do this. Hell I've done it two freaking times before. I sat down and had a hard look at my food journals, what I was eating, drinking, and basically just what I was doing and why was I trying so hard? So about two weeks ago I decided I was going to change up my diet from low carb and cut down the wine. I'm not going to say I'm never going to drink again but I know if I want to lose weight, it's got to go for the most part and I don't *NEED* it and I've done really well the past two weeks. As for the strict low carb life, I just didn't like how I kept feeling like I was doing something wrong when I'd have things like a big salad or fruit....and I really didn't like that if I made too many tiny mistakes it basically ruined the whole week of work I had done. So two weeks ago I decided to go back to my roots and what I know works for me and started the OG WW plan and cut down the wine. I've lost 7lbs in two weeks...finally a break through. I'm lifting weights 3 times a week, running 1-1.5 miles every day and doing some FUN dance cardio every day. I'm focusing on keeping it as low carb as possible only in the sense that while I can have them, I'm still staying away from things like rice, potatoes, pasta and excessive sugar, but I feel more relaxed now. Going into week 3, I am feeling better, confident about my decision, and even though I'm having to deal with three very different "diets" in my household, I think I'm juggling them all well.
I've decided to recommit to blogging and hopefully that will help hold myself more accountable. I know mistakes will be made along the way....I'm human....but I'm trying really hard to follow the plan, give myself grace when mistakes happen and above all else....always just keep trying.....because when I try that will always be one of the best versions of myself. 
You can follow more of my journey by checking out the hashtag on facebook and instagram #projectloveyourself
