Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Pumpkin Spice Cake

Weight Watchers Pumpkin Spice Cake

Serves 20

Points Value: 5

Points Plus Value: 6

CAKE:

3 cups all purpose flour

2 cups granulated sugar

1 tablespoon pumpkin spice cake

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 (15oz) can pumpkin

4 large eggs

1/2 cup canola oil

1/2 cup fat free milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

GLAZE:

3/4 cup powdered sugar

1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice

1. Preheat oven to 375. Spray a 10in Bundt pan with cooking spray. Lightly dust pan with flour shaking out excess.

2. To make cake, whisk together flour, sugar, pumpkin spice, baking powder and salt in a large bowl. Whisk together pumpkin and eggs in a medium bowl until blended. Gradually whisk in oil, milk and vanilla until blended. Add pumpkin mixture to flour mixture, stirring just until flour mixture is moistened. Pour batter into prepared pan.

3. Bake until toothpick inserted into center of cake comes out clean, 55-60 minutes. Let cake cool in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pan and let cool on rack until warm, about 30 minutes.

4. Meanwhile, to make glaze, stir together powdered sugar and lemon juice in small bowl and drizzle over warm cake.

Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Cinnamon-Pecan Streusel Cake

	Weight Watchers Cinnamon Pecan Streusel Cake Serves 16 5pp Oh my goodness this was sooooooooooo good; pretty simple to make! I think I might add a little more vanilla next time, it's got a pretty strong cinnamon flavor so if you aren't too big on cinnamon just use a little less than suggested below! Ingredients:
	1 3/4 cup(s) all-purpose flour
	2 tsp baking powder
	1 tsp baking soda
	1/2 tsp table salt
	3/4 cup(s) sugar
	3 Tbsp salted butter
	1 cup(s) fat free sour cream
	2 tsp vanilla extract
	2 large egg(s)
	1/3 cup(s) packed light brown sugar
	1/4 cup(s) chopped pecans, toasted
	1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
	1/2 cup(s) powdered sugar
	2 tsp fat free skim milk
	1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 350°F.
• Coat an 8-inch square baking pan with cooking spray.
• Combine flour and next three ingredients. Set aside.
• Beat sugar and butter with a mixer at medium speed until well blended. Add sour cream, vanilla and eggs; beat well. Add flour mixture to butter mixture, beating just until dry ingredients are moist. Combine brown sugar, pecans and cinnamon in a small bowl.
• Spoon half of batter into prepared pan; sprinkle evenly with half of brown sugar mixture. Spoon remaining batter over brown sugar mixture and spread evenly. Sprinkle remaining brown sugar mixture over batter. Bake at 350°F for 40 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan 15 minutes on a wire rack.
• Combine powdered sugar, milk and 1⁄2 teaspoon vanilla in a small bowl; stir until smooth. Drizzle over coffee cake cut and serve.

Cinnamon-Pecan Streusel Cake

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Source: WeightWatchers.com 

Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Chicken-Mushroom Hash Casserole

Weight Watchers Chicken-Mushroom Hash Casserole
Serves 4
5pts/6pp

Ingredients:

1 cup fresh whole wheat bread crumbs (2 slices of bread)
3 tablespoons grated Romano cheese
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 onion, chopped
1 celery stalk, chopped
1 small red pepper, diced
1 cup chopped white mushrooms
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 lb skinless boneless chicken, cut into 1/4 inch pieces
1 tablespoon all purpose flour
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 cup fat free milk

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350, Spray shallow 2 quart casserole dish with nonstick spray.

2. To make crumb topping, mix together bread crumbs, Romano cheese and parsley in small bowl.

3. Heat oil in nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add onion, celery, and bell pepper; cook, stirring, until softened, about 5 minutes. Add mushrooms and sprinkle with 1/4 tsp salt, 1/8 tsp black pepper. Cook, stirring, until mushrooms give up their liquid and liquid is evaporated, about 5 minutes longer.

4. Add chicken to skillet; sprinkle with flour, thyme, remaining 1/8 tsp black pepper. Cook stirring, until chicken is no longer pink, about 5 minutes. Stir in milk; cook, stirring constantly, until sauce bubbles and thickens, about 3 minutes.

5. Spoon hash into prepared casserole; sprinkle evenly with crumb mixture. Baked until golden brown, about 30 minutes. 

Chicken-Mushroom Hash Casserole with Parmesan Green Beans

Serves 4....the cookbook says 1 generous cup, I just cut the casserole into four slices and serve.
Per Serving:
241 calories/ 6g fat/  17g carb/ 7g sugar/ 3g fiber/ 640mg sodium/ 29g protein 

Source: Weight Watchers Complete Cookbook
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Recipe Corner: Healhty Buttermilk Donuts

Hey y'all, it's been a bit since I posted a recipe, I've gotten overwhelmed with family issues lately and I find myself making the same meals a lot, which is fine it works for us as a family....but it makes for some boring blogging. Today my son wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts and believe me it was tempting. I love me some DD iced coffee with either the butter pecan or cookie dough flavoring....but 7pp for a medium coffee isn't a great choice....especially since I had it yesterday.  So I asked him what he thought of making our own donuts...which he loved the idea. He loves baking with me, and I really enjoy baking with him. So I hit google and came across this recipe, I'm a big fan of baking with buttermilk, I love everything I've made with it so far so I wanted to try this one. It is super tasty and very simple to make! I don't have a donut pan so I had to improvise, I used a cake pop pan to make "munchkins" and then I used my mini bunt cake pan to finish off the batter. I really liked them without any toppings but my son and daughter wanted something so we made two quick glazes one almond, one orange, they also liked adding a little creamed honey to them. If you follow the link above to the original recipe they have some other topping options as well. So you can play with your toppings just remember to count what you add!!!!  I hope you enjoy it!


Healthy Buttermilk Donuts
Source: Health.com
http://www.health.com/health/recipe/0,,10000002012979,00.html


Serves 14
4pp/3pts

Ingredients

• Nonstick cooking spray
• 1 cup whole-wheat flour
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup low-fat buttermilk (1%)
• 2 large eggs
• 1/4 cup honey
• 2 tablespoons melted butter
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 425°. Lightly coat a doughnut pan with cooking spray.
2. Combine flours and next 4 ingredients (through salt) in a large bowl, stirring well with a whisk.
3. Combine buttermilk, eggs, honey, butter, and vanilla, stirring well with a whisk. Add buttermilk mixture to flour mixture; whisk just until combined.
4. Spoon batter into doughnut pans, filling twothirds full. Bake in middle of oven until doughnuts spring back when touched and are golden on bottom (about 8 minutes). Let cool in pan slightly (about 4 minutes); turn out. Coat with toppings (see ideas, below), if desired.

Mini Donuts

Munchkins

• Yield: Makes 14 servings (Serving size: 1 plain doughnut)

Nutritional Information

Calories per serving:	140
Fat per serving:	3g
Saturated fat per serving:	1g
Monounsaturated fat per serving:	1g
Polyunsaturated fat per serving:	0g
Cholesterol per serving:	35mg
Protein per serving:	3g
Carbohydrates per serving:	26g
Sugars per serving:	13g
Fiber per serving:	1g
Iron per serving:	1mg
Sodium per serving:	165mg
Calcium per serving:	59mg

That's how I roll.....

Yesterday I was called somethings that really made me look into my heart and think why would anyone say these things. After a longer discussion I was given a laundry list of things that because of Facebook and the perspective of how things are posted, they could be taken out of context; twisted in a way that it could look like what this person was saying was true. I know, since it's my life and I lived it the truth behind it. Now since I have always believed you should live your life as an open book, be honest and not a hypocrite I have posted most of my life online for my friends to be apart of. Yes some matters are personal and they stay that way but when I'm having a bad day, my kids are going crazy, we over spent, something broke, stress......those things come on Facebook, because I'm not the person to paint a picture of a perfect life because there isn't one. With that being said I feel that since I post most of my life I should explain my thoughts on things.  It is easy to fall into a negative pattern, choosing happiness isn't always easy and the path to doing what's right I honestly feel is never really easy. I also post about my little lovebugs, their love for each other, their laughter, their silly songs, the funny moments of dressup and dancing, power rangers and star wars. Our weekend family outings, the park, the homework...all of it. My children have given me hope in my life, more love than I ever could have imagined and till the day I take my last breathe I would die protecting them and I will always love and encourage them. Do they make me crazy some days, yes, do I lock myself in the bathroom and cry because the fighting and screaming and temper tantrums are overwhelming, yes, at least once a week. Do I have to give up partying every weekend, dates out with my husband, yeah that happens a lot, but in the end, everything....all of it, the good and the bad are worth it. I choose to be a Mom, it's the hardest job I will ever do but it is the most rewarding one. Why is it ok for someone to complain about their job outside of the house and how their co workers or boss drive me nuts but when a mom does it about her kids who are her job it's wrong and they are a bad mom because she is struggling that day?
Alexander has a heart of gold, a sweet spirit and is always repreventive when he makes mistakes, Annabella is a miracle girl in a long line of boys who has  one amazingly strong will, she has a sweet loving heart that shows in how she plays with her babies. Both of my children have amazing manners and they make Stephen and I laugh everyday. To be their mom.....is an honor and I am beyond blessed to have two happy children who know they are loved and share their love with me daily.

 With my fitness journey I've hit a road block, been stuck in it for a year, and since that is one of the only major things going on in my daily life aside from my kids and Stephen, I think about it a lot. I work hard for it, because I love food and the fear of losing control and gaining lots of weight is something I worry about daily, being overweight isn't a vanity issues for me, it's a health issue, lots of sickness in my family line and by being healthy I am knocking my risk down. Is it annoying when I work hard to improve something and I don't see the results, ummmm yes it is.  I have days where I wake up and look in the mirror and I'm like, "whoa I look great, I did it." and then there are days I wake up and all I see are the things I want more improved on. Everyone has good and bad days.....our kids have them, our partners have them, we have them....everyone handles those days differently. Some people feel that posting anything negative is not a good vibe and so they don't, they give you only the best highlights of their lives and that's great for them. I love seeing my friends living happy lives.  For me, I like to keep it real, because I love when I see others who do it too on Facebook. It helps me feel not alone and when it comes to the little ones having bad days, the first thought that comes to my mind is "Oh God why are they doing this, am I being a bad mom, is that why the fighting, hitting and biting are happening? What can I do to fix it?" It has never nor will it ever be a "I hate these kids" thought....its a cry for help when I post the negative moments.....when you're life is consumed by a job like motherhood you lose sight of who you are as a person and for me I take on a lot on a lot pressure because I have been given the amazing oppourinty of being a stay at home mom so I know my kids are molding by me.
In the end, you shouldn't judge anyone, you don't know the struggles, the bad money decisions, the selling of things, the things given up in place of others, why someone was given something, or even why someone chooses to post what they post. It is never our place to point fingers or judge anyone....we have all done it, myself included.
We should all treat each other the way we want to be treated and when you feel that you need something answered you should never let it sit and fester, that only makes it worse. Life throws you all kinds of curve balls, you can have a fantastic month and then a month from hell. Everyday is a blessing, life is short, be kind, love one another, support each other and by all means pray for one another.

We need to quit telling lies on Facebook......

http://www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/we-need-to-quit-telling-lies-on-facebook/

The above link is to a blog by Sarah Tuttle Singer

Everyday I see all the shining details of my friends life on FB. Their pinterest perfect, cookie cutter life. We have some private issues going on that Stephen and I are working hard to deal with, but it's a private family thing and not something that belongs on Facebook but the struggle is real and it is mentally exhausting to say the least. Anyway I came across this article a few months ago and it spoke to me so much. It gave me hope. Every day when I wake up I pray that I am a good mom, that I have the strengthen to make it through the day, that my kids go to bed knowing they are loved and supported. I screw up way more than I should but I take comfort when I see the few other moms that post the real everyday happenings....it helps me feel not alone is a very alone place. People say that one day I will miss these days.....last night as I rocked Bella in the early morning hours I smelled her hair and thanks God that I had her. I laid her back in bed and I walked into Xander's room, his snoring was sweet and I covered him up. I slowly walked down the stairs exhausted but fulfilled because they need me right now. Someone said a few weeks ago, these are the hardest years but they are the years they need you. I have been trying to push past all the hard everyday events and focus on the fact that right now, I am their world and I am lucky enough to be their mom and I am beyond blessed to be able to be here with them day in and day out. It is never easy, the worry, the fear, the anxiety.....I am shaping two peoples lives right now....it's a real panicked feeling....I could screw them up for life. But I try and remind myself, I love them, more than my own life and even when I make mistakes I am quick to say I'm sorry.  The point is I am not perfect, I complain, I screw up and I drop the ball more than I should in many aspects of my life. I have abandonment issues and I have a total fear of well being a failure. But in my heart....my heart.....I only want the best for them, the best for Stephen. In my many days of the same thing over and over again it is easy to forget that life no matter how hard it is....is beautiful. I was lucky enough to find Stephen at a young age and I will grow old with him....knowing that in his eyes I will always be perfect. My fears surround me daily. My mind will always worry but I pray, everyday I pray to be better than I was yesterday.

Recipe Corner: Whole Wheat Beef Enchiladas

 

Whole Wheat Beef Enchiladas

Yield: 8 servings
One Enchilada is 5pts/6pp

 

Ingredients

• 1 lb lean ground turkey
• 1 can enchilada sauce
• 1 cup reduced fat Mexican cheese
• 1 chopped onion
• 1 small can of green chilies
• 8 whole wheat soft tortilla shells (I used Ortega whole wheat tortillas)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Coat a 9 x 12 inch pan with cooking spray.
2.  Cook turkey and onion over medium high heat. Drain if needed.
3. Add green chilies and 1/2 can of enchilada sauce and 1/2 cup of Mexican cheese, stir and cook for 1-2 minutes
4. Spoon meat onto center of tortillas and roll. Place tortillas with the seam side facing down into pan.
5. Top with rest of sauce and rest of cheese.
6. Cook for 20 minutes and serve.

 

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Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Crab Mac 'n' Cheese

Weight Watchers Crab Mac 'n' Cheese

Serves: 6
8pp/7pts

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
14.5oz canned diced fire roasted tomatoes
1 cup shredded reduced fat Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup fat free milk
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon mustard powder
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
4 cups cooked whole wheat elbow macaroni
3/4 pound crab meat cut into small chunks
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

Directions:

Melt butter in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until roux is golden, about 1 minute.
Add tomatoes and cook, stirring constantly, until mixture bubbles and is slightly thickened, about 3 minutes.

Add cheddar, milk, Parmesan, mustard powder, and pepper to flour mixture; cook, stirring, until cheese is melted and sauce is smooth, about 2 minutes. Add cooked macaroni and crab meat, cook tossing, until heated through and mixed well. About 2 minutes. Serve sprinkled with parsley.

Per serving ( generous 1 cup)
320 cal/ 9g fat/ 34g carb/ 4g sugar/ 3g fiber

FYI
If you like, equal amount of chopped cooked shrimp or lobster can be substituted for the crab meat. 

Source: Weight Watchers One Pot Cookbook  Pg 61
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Recipe Corner: Staci's Crockpot Ginger Pork

Staci's Crockpot Ginger Pork

Ingredients:

1 (1lb) pork tenderloin, trimmed  
3 tablespoons light brown sugar
3 tablespoons reduced- sodium soy sauce
3 garlic cloves minced
1 tablespoon grated peeled fresh inger
1 tablespoon unseasoned rice vinegar
2 teaspoons Asian (dark) sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 teaspoons cumin powder
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 bag baby carrots

Directions:
Combine brown sugar, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, vinegar, and sesame oil together.  Separately mix together salt, chili powder, cumin powder, garlic powder and use as a dry rub; rub down the pork. (add more as desired)

Place baby carrots in the crockpot, then add rubbed down pork on top of carrots, then top with marinade. Cook on high for about 8 hours. Once pork can be shredded, shred pork and stir. Turn to low and cook additional hour. 

Staci's Crockpot Ginger Pork pictured with baby carrots, broccoli and Teriyaki rice

Per Serving (4oz of pork shreds)
174 cal/ 6g fat/ 7g carb/ 6g sugar/ 0g fiber/ 17g protein

Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Fresh Corn and Blueberry Pancakes

Weight Watchers Fresh Corn and Blueberry Pancakes

Serves 6

6pts/9pp

Ingredients:

2 cups all-purpose flour

½ cup yellow cornmeal

2 tablespoons sugar

1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon baking powder

¼ teaspoon salt

1 ¾ cups low fat (1%) milk

½ cup fat free egg substitute

1 tablespoon canola oil

¾ cup fresh or frozen blueberries

¾ cup fresh corn kernels (about two ears of corn) or frozen corn kernels

6 teaspoons pure maple syrup. Warmed.

    Directions: 

     Whisk together flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder and salt in medium bowl. Make a well in middle of flour mixture. Combine milk, egg substitute, and oil in well; with fork stir until mixed well thoroughly. With rubber spatula, stir flour mixture into milk mixture just until flour mixture is moistened (batter will be lumpy.) Gently stir in blueberries  and corn. 

      Spray nonstick griddle with nonstick spray and set over medium heat. Pour scant ¼ cupfuls of batter onto griddle. Cook until bubbles appear and edges of pancakes look dry, about 3 minutes. Turn pancakes over and cook until golden brown on second side, about 3 minutes longer. Repeat with remaining batter, making a total of 24 pancakes. Serve with warm maple syrup. 

WW Fresh Corn & Blueberry Pancakes with light syrup

Per Serving: (4 pancakes and 1 teaspoon of syrup)

324 Cal/ 4g Fat/ 482mg Sodium/ 62g Carb/ 13g Sugar/ 2g Fiber/ 10g Protein

Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers BBQ-Sauced Turkey and Slaw Salad

This was a super easy and yummy recipe! We really enjoyed it a lot! I got whole wheat hot dog buns and put a little of the slaw on the bun with the turkey and it was awesome! 

Weight Watchers BBQ-Sauced Turkey and Slaw Salad
Serves 4
5pts/6pp

Ingredients:
3 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoon Asian (dark) sesame oil
2 teaspoons honey
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 (14oz) bag coleslaw mix
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
3 scallions, cut on diagonal into thin slices
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced (I passed on this & added Cajun seasoning instead)
1lb piece cooked skinless turkey breast, shredded.
3 tablespoons warmed BBQ
1/4 cup lightly packed fresh cilantro leaves, torn (we don't like these so I didn't use them)


Directions:

1. To make dressing, whisk together lime juice, oil, honey, and salt in large bowl. Add coleslaw mix, bell pepper, scallions, and jalapeno; toss to coat.

2. Combine turkey and BBQ sauce in a ziplock bag, close, pressing all the air out. Shake bag to coat turkey. Divide slaw evenly among 4 plates and top evenly with turkey. Sprinkle with cilantro.

Per serving: 1 1/2 slaw and 1/2 turkey provides
248 cal, 5g fat, 483mg sod, 15g carb, 7g sugar, 3g fiber, 36g protein

Weight Watchers BBQ-Sauced Turkey and Slaw Side pictured here on a whole wheat bun, baked beans and fruit.

Source: Weight Watchers One Pot Cookbook
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Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Pizza-Style Baked Pasta

I really enjoyed this meal, I feel the servings were a tad small compared to other WW recipes but it was yummy and I will def be making it again! 

Weight Watchers Pizza-Style Baked Pasta

Serves 8
8pp/6pts

Ingredients:

12oz whole wheat penne pasta, cooked according to package directions.
1/2lb hot Italian turkey sausage, thinly sliced
2 cups fat free marinara sauce
1 cup shredded part skim mozzarella cheese
4 tablespoons Parmesan Cheese
1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
2 tablespoons Italian seasoned dried bread crumbs

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray 7x11 inch baking dish with nonstick spray.

Toss together penne, susage, 1 cup marinara sauce, 1/2 cup mozzarella, 2 tablespoons of Paremsan, the basil, and oregano in prepared baking dish. Top with remaining 1 cup marinara, then sprinkle with remaining 1/2 cup mozzarella, 2 tablespoons Parmesan and the bread crumbs.

Lightly spray sheet of foil with nonstick spray; place sprayed side down over baking dish. Bake 20 minutes. Uncover and bake until sausage is cooked through and mozzarella is melted, about 15 minutes longer.

Per Serving: (1/8 casserole)
300 calories/ 8g fat/ 588mg sodium/ 40g Carb/ 2g Sugar/ 5g Fiber/ 17g Protein

WW Pizza Style Baked Pasta with side salad 

Side note: I cooked the sausage first and then added it to the pasta. I baked with foil for 20 minutes, then uncovered and baked for about 5 minutes longer to melt the cheese.

Source: Weight Watchers One Pot Cookbook
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Recipe Corner: Staci's Chicken Salad

Looking for a fun easy and super tasty lunch?! Then try this recipe out!
I'm always trying to find ways to make the things I love be healthier, I love chicken salad, but I don't want to use light or fat free mayo to make it, it just never tastes right. By using mayo you take something that could be a very low fat meal and you turn it into this high fat salad. A few friends have asked me how I make my chicken salad and this is my new favorite way to make it. Tastes way better than the mayo version too!

Serves 1
2pts/3pp

2oz canned chicken breast
1 laughing cow light cheese wedge ( I use garlic and herb)
crushed pepper
1 oz avocado (some days I add 2oz and it ups the point levels by 1) 

Mix the cheese wedge with the chicken and add pepper to taste. I usually cut the avocado into chunks or strips and place on top of my chicken salad or you can mash them into the salad. Enjoy!

Chicken Salad on baked corn tortilla shells 4pts/5pp total 

**I am obsessed with putting my chicken salad on baked corn tortillas! If you want to try this out I use Mission Ultra thin yellow corn tortillas. Turn oven on to 425 and spray cookie sheet with spray place tortillas on cookie sheet and spray them with cooking spray. Sprinkle with salt, place in over as soon as you do this (it won't preheated) bake for 10 minutes....comes out perfect!
Sometimes I just eat the salad, or I will wrap it in lettuce like a wrap. There is always bread but that adds points and some days I don't want to use so many points on my lunch.

Nanny

The end of April always brings a certain sadness to it because it means May is coming and I don't care for the month of May. With the 8th anniversary of her death just a month away the weight of her being gone seems to come crashing down on me. Every day is hard, at least once a day I get that urge to call and tell her something and I can't. 8 years...8, and it still feels like yesterday I held her hand as her heart stopped. That terrible moment when the beating sped up and then slowly declined to one long hum. I'll never forget that, I stared at her face not taking my eyes off of her, she hadn't been responding to us for a few days at that point, they kept telling us that she wasn't getting any better, her body was shutting down but her brain was ok, she was aware we were there but she couldn't respond to us but in that terrible moment when her heart stopped....she smiled, she was free. I get goosebumps just tying it out, people can believe what they want, but I know, know beyond any doubts that she saw Jesus coming for her and she was happy. I was with her until the end, my favorite friend. She was always more than my Grandmother, more than a mother figure to me, she was an extension of me. There wasn't anything that I couldn't tell her and there will never be another person like her. I can only pray that one day I can have a relationship with my children's children like I had with her.

I have healed a good deal in these past 8 years, but the grief is still there. My life will never be the same without her in it. The day before her surgery I sat in her living room with her, she wanted to talk to me about the possibility of her not living through it ( I know now that she knew she wouldn't make it) I knew she was strong and a fighter so the thought that she wouldn't make it wasn't even an option. I told her I knew she'd be fine and I didn't want to talk about it. She turned my face towards hers and she said, " I will always be in your heart....always." I remember that clear as a bell, her last heart to heart with me. She hugged me a long time after that I remember laying my head on her chest and listening to her heart....I remember thinking why am I doing...maybe it was my heart knowing this was the end and trying to soak up as much of her life as possible. No matter what the reasons were why I did it, I am so glad I did....the steady beats of her heart. Those are the ones I try to remember.

Last year was the first year that I didn't live where she is buried and I couldn't visit her and that seemed to make it so much harder. But at 7pm on a moments notice a large group of my friends on Facebook banned together to join in a virtual tea party honoring her life and love of hot tea with me. It lifted my spirits so much that May 23rd in my mind is Tea for Nanny day. This year I am taking it a step further by holding a virtual 5k for her as well. Proceeds from the 5k will go directly to the American Cancer Society. I know she will be proud of that. It has given me something positive to look forward to, to focus on honoring her life and not thinking so much on her death. You can find information on both Tea for Nanny and Nanny's 5k on the links below. I hope you will join me for both events and lift my spirits on the darkest day of the year for me.
She will always be in my heart.....always.

My Nanny and me January 2003

Tea for Nanny
https://www.facebook.com/events/670738096315696/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

Nanny's 5k
booster.com/nanny

Circles

I get this thought often...."WHY?! Why can't I just eat all the delicious food I want and still lose weight?" Oh the dream right?! Hi my name is Staci and I have a food addiction, I should be in a support group for it. I love food. Like seriously you guys, I l-o-v-e food. The taste, the smell, the happiness I feel when I'm eating....healthy food, junk food it doesn't matter....I'm always happier when I'm eating. That is a dangerous mix because it leads to me eating to feel better. I have a hard time balancing things....I am either crazy hard core with following a plan or I just keep goofing up over and over in the week all while beating myself up about it which leads to me feel terrible which leads to more eating. See that? That awful cycle?!  I really need to work on that and figure out how to walk a balanced line...after all this is a lifestyle I'm learning here. I've been at this for 15 months, I've come a long way in that time...I've learned not to make the terrible choices all the time and that is a big deal....and 9 times out of 10 I drink water or coffee before I eat when I know I'm not really hungry.
Everyone keeps telling me I'm too hard on myself, and in a way I am but in other ways I'm not...because if I stop worrying about it even for one day I go overboard. The past 5 months I've been working on not worrying as much about the number on the scale and more about making sure I stick to my exercise routines and trying to make the best choices I can when it comes to eating. That is really hard for me because that number has been a ruler in my life for so long and some weeks I do good about it not bothering me and other weeks its all I can think about. I think my biggest fear is I will stop worrying about that number and wake up one morning 200lbs again. I don't want that life....I don't want the feeling of being overweight, the hatred I felt for myself and honestly the embarrassment I felt from it. Being overweight is not something I'm ok with for myself, it's not something I ever want to be again. Ever. But I also don't think I want that "perfect body" either....in my mind I thought oh if I can hit the 130's my butt will be higher and my legs won't have cellulite and my thighs won't touch and I'd have that dream toned stomach but I'm pretty sure that will happen by a number. I feel pretty damn great about how I look in clothes right now and even when I was a teenager I didn't have this confident with my body and I was between 125lbs-135lbs in that time frame. I think a lot of it comes back to me and my confidence in myself. When I think about it, I have felt better emotionally about me these past 15 months than I have my whole teen/adult life. When I lace up my running shoes and I hit the pavement...even if its only for 3 miles....I feel amazing and super proud of who I am while I'm out there.
I'm working really hard on being happy where I'm at.....that isn't easy for someone like me who tends to find negatives before positives but I'm trying and in the end that is something I keep coming back to...as long as I keep trying....I'm never failing.

Maybe this is the part in my journey where I have to overcome my fears and get my brain in the right gear so that I can reach that finish line of my weight loss. Maybe now is my time to be in the higher end of my healthy weight range and learn how to make mistakes but how to come back from them. Maybe this is the emotional part where I learn to think differently about me....to learn that the number isn't who I am.....its how I live that makes me who I am.

 "The Secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of it everyday." My journey isn't a perfect one and I'm never going to pretend that it is. I make more mistakes than I should but I'm human and the temptation out there is hard. This time will pass and I can either give up and never reach that dream or I can keep pushing forward even if I feel like I'm going in circles.....and when it comes down to it I'd rather go in circles than go backward.


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A peak inside the crazy mind of me.....enter at your own risk

Hi guys! It's been awhile, my daughter has been giving me a run for my money lately, she's two going on sixteen. My son has been struggling with some things and honestly my mind has been in twenty different places at once. I've felt like a complete failure in almost every part of my life and the past few months I've been in a fog about everything. Just trying to make it to bedtime everyday, I've yet to get the 10lbs I gained at Christmas off and that has depressed me so much, I just keep messing up and I have no one to blame but myself. I know the number on the scale isn't what defines me but when I look in the mirror I see so many things I want different and I keep fighting but I'm just going in circles. I've let most of you down I'm sure because I haven't been as present on my page. For that I'm sorry, I just have felt like I can't motivate you when I can't even keep myself from messing up. There is a part of me that just wants to stop trying, to just say this is as good as it's going to get, I mean I lost 70lbs over the past two years....50lbs of them last year but I am still not where I want to be. I see so many of my friends who bounce right back to that "bikini body" after having babies and I hate myself because I was never there....even before kids. I have never had any confidence in myself. Running gave me so much, I felt so proud to be me just 4 months ago. But then I gained that 10lbs and I can't get it off and now I feel like a loser again because it should have been off by now, I've been trying since January for crying out loud....I should be at my goal which is twenty pounds from where I'm at now. Ugh. I just want to stomp my foot on the ground and scream WHY?! Why is it so so easy to gain weight yet so incredibly hard to lose it?! I always hit this point, I've been at this weight game for 11 years now.....I always hit this 10lb range and I can't get any more off. I was so determined this time last year and since August I just haven't been as strong with my will power and every week I say this is it I'm ready to get me back and every week I screw up and spend the rest of my week trying to make up for it and failing most of the time. Sure I lost three pounds last week but I'm already up for this week and I know I have two days left but I sure it won't be good because I screwed up this past weekend. It's been a vicious cycle, I feel a relief when I say I'm just going to stop for a bit, but every morning I wake up and think I can't stop, I can't give up and then I keep trying. My knee has been keeping me from running and that has just put me further down in my hole, everyday I'm prepared to try and then I get nervous about it and stay home. The few times I've actually gone out it's bothered me and that scares me because I don't want to cause long term damage but I miss running so much. The freedom, the struggle, the power it gave me. I miss it and I don't know what I'm going to do if I really truly can't do it anymore.
My struggle continues......it's April and I hope with everything in me by the end of 2014 I will have reached my goals and hopes of running a half marathon. I guess I'll keep trying because I know me and my obsessive mind.....I won't stop, I'll just keep beating myself up and hopefully I'll get off this loop and start moving forward again.

Recipe Corner: Weight Watchers Maple-Glazed Bundt Cakes

I tweaked this recipe a little bit. I will note in the recipe what I changed. Points Value stays the same. This was amazing, tasted like donuts! Yum Yum Yum

Maple-Glazed Bundt Cakes    Points Plus Value 8pp/ Classic Points 6pts Servings: 6

Ingredients

• Bundt Cakes:
• 3 sprays cooking spray
• 1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg ( I upped this to 1/4 teaspoon)
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 cup plain non fat yogurt
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/3 cup pure maple syrup
• 4 Tbsp unsalted butter, melted
• Maple Glaze:
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar, sifted
• 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup 
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (I added this)
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon (I added this)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400ºF. Coat a 6-section mini Bundt cake pan with cooking spray.
2. In a medium bowl sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and nutmeg.
3. In another bowl, whisk together egg, Silk soy yogurt, vanilla, maple syrup and butter. Make a small well in the center of dry ingredients. Pour wet ingredients into the well and stir with a spatula or wooden spoon until dry ingredients are moistened, but still a little lumpy. Don't over mix batter or cakes will be heavy.
4. Divide batter evenly into prepared pan. Bake about 20 minutes, until golden brown and a toothpick inserted into center of a cake comes out clean. Cool cakes in the pan on a rack for a few minutes, then turn out of the pan and cool completely on rack.
5. While the cakes are baking, make the glaze by whisking sugar and maple syrup together in a small bowl. Drizzle cooled cakes with maple glaze. Yields 1 cake per serving. 

Note: In the picture below I decided to make one big bunt cake since I didn't have the proper size mini bunt cake pan. I double the recipe to make it fit in a standard bunt pan. Cut it into 18 slices. Each slice is  5pp/4pts

 

Weight Watchers Maple-Glazed Bundt Cake 

Source: WeightWatchers.com
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