My Journey to a better Me

As a teenager I was beyond blessed with not having a weight issue.

October 2011

When I was 18 I had a pretty standard weight for someone of my height, I still was not exercising in any form. I met my husband and was married by the age of 19. A married life of late dinners and nights out quickly spun out of control and before I knew it I was 180lbs and was mortified. I went on Adkins in 2005 and got down to 145lbs in roughly 5 months. Then I went off Adkins.....within a year I was 190lbs, and then I got pregnant with my first child. My son was born in March of 2007 and I delivered him at 234lbs. How do I know all this....because I have hated myself for a long time and I remember all these numbers because the number on the scale has been an obsession for a long time for me. So in May of 2007 I decided it was time to fix my weight. I started weight watchers....it took 40 weeks to lose 65lbs, my mind wasn't in the right place but I got down to 145lbs and once again I stopped. I quit everything, no more biking or dancing, I went right back to the same old lifestyle of not watching what I was doing, by 2011 I was 175lbs again and foundmyself pregnant with our second child. I delivered our daughter at 224lbs. Nursing her will be one of the most rewarding and humbling things I have ever done. I tried to diet while nursing her but my supply kept dropping so I decided to focus on her and I could work on me when she stopped. In October of 2012 I was 205lbs, I hated myself, I had worked so hard to lose weight and I was right back where I started. I spent a few months trying to lose weight and got myself down to 198lbs.

In January 2013 I made a vow I would not make a weight loss resolution, I had an awful attitude and one of my biggest problems in my life was the way I looked at things. Everything was the end of the world, everything was negative, even when something was going right I would come up with at least 3 ways it could go wrong. I needed an attitude adjustment, I decided

September 2013

that my resolution would be to be more positive. On January 4th I started my weight loss journey, I put my mind in a different place, this wasn't a diet like last time, it was a lifestyle I needed to change and this was my training on how to live the rest of my life. In May I was down 30lbs and I found running....one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given,

January 2013 to July 2013

running has given me so many wonderful things confidence, power, strengthen, and it is easily the best therapy I have ever had. I have been struggling with my weight loss both physically and mentally since July. I have had a slow decline in my weight but one thing has changed, my actual size. I am slimmer than I ever have been, while my weight seems to be maintaining in a 5lbs range that I don't want it to be in, my clothes are baggy again and I'm reaching a point where I have no jeans to wear. The mental stress of constantly trying to be "perfect" has gotten to me. Tonight on my run I had a long talk with myself and really looked at me. I wasn't happy....wasn't one of the biggest points of getting here to be happy? I haven't been truly happy for months now because I'm so pressured to get this weight off. But who is pressuring me.....no one....I am. I have engrained it in my mind that my body will be perfect at a certain weight and that isn't the case anymore. What I want changed about my body most likely isn't a weight issue pound wise, it's a toning and slimming issue. Yeah a few more pounds may come off but my goal should be to tone and tighten not lose pounds. When this clicked in my head on my run I found myself crying, my body will never be perfect, no one has a perfect body that is real. Everyone has something they don't like, my body has done amazing things. It has wear and tear from carrying two amazing little people and it has gone

October 2013 

October 2013

from obese to healthy in less than 6 months. My body is amazing, it isn't perfect but it is amazing none the less. The pressure of weight loss isn't here anymore, it's loving and taking care of my body...that is my focus now. I am different than the 145lbs Staci of 2008.....I'm better than her, I'm stronger, healthier and far more active than she was. If my weight number wise hits the 130's that's great I will defiantly be over the moon....but if I stay in the 140's for the rest of my life that is ok too because as long as I get out there and run and stay in control of who I am than I have reached the ultimate goal of what I set out to achieve. I am happy, healthy and above all I am a role model for my children. One of my favorite things my son asks me in the mornings.."Did you go on your run Mommy?" 

My babies and I October 2013